Posts tagged ‘life’

December 13, 2011

The Gift of Nurture

This week’s gift is one that I know all of you amazing mamma’s out there give to others- generously, beautifully, wonderously- every single day of your existence. You are the goddesses of nurture. Holding your families in nearly every thought with love, concern, appreciation and understanding. Or at least that’s your intention and your touchstone- what you come back to even when life feels hectic, out of control, too much ….. and well, normal.

Nurture is also what we do. Giving hugs. Making meals. Showing our kids how- when they want to try something new or do what we can do. Patching up boo-boo’s with compassion, validation and a kiss. And being present with their heartaches… also, with compassion and validation. And knowing when a hug or a kiss won’t be helpful.

But we often do not nurture ourselves. We forget to do the things that make us feel loved and supported. We don’t keep ourselves in our loving, appreciative, understanding thoughts. Sure it feels wonderful to have someone else nurture you in some way- making a favorite meal, providing you with a clean bathtub and a warm towel, giving you a hug after you slip in the dog slobber on the tile floor and land hard- but we can provide ourselves with the same. (Okay, maybe not a hug, but a chance to rest or that hot bath after the last one…)

I challenge you to come up with a list of 3 ways you can nurture yourself this week, starting now. I have a friend who has filled a jar with pomegranate seeds, to be treasured at will. I like to do yoga or meditate outside. Or go to a beautiful natural spot and just breathe in the beauty. Take a walk, or a run. Just be alone. Nap. Borrow any of these, come up with your own and report back in the comments! For bonus points, tell me what you’ve appreciated about yourself today.

Know someone who could use the gift of nurture? Share the love using the links below….

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December 6, 2011

The Gift of Permission

Your permission slipWhen I first considered what gift I’d like to give myself this year, permission was the first word to come to mind. What do I want permission for? To be more of a thriving creative force in the world. To do work that excites and fulfills me. To stop being critical of myself and seeing criticism in the words and actions of others. I am the only person who can give me permission for these things.

But why permission? There’s a formality to permission. A granting from an authoritative source. My generation, and those before it, have been trained deeply to look to an authority, someone who knows a great deal about a subject, someone who others also look to for information and guidance in that area. And the fact is that you are the best and absolute authority on you. Only you know your private thoughts and your inner workings. Only you truly know your greatest joys and fears. Only you know what is best for you.

Granting yourself permission is not only allowing yourself that thing that you want, it is declaring authority over your own life. There is no single more powerful thing you can do for yourself. Even if today you’re only granting yourself permission to take a walk in the woods, an extra long hot bath, or half an hour to release your inner artist. Giving yourself permission is empowerment.

So, what will you give yourself permission for today? For the holidays? For the new year and the rest of your life? Let me know in the comments!  Do you know someone who would benefit from giving themselves this gift?  Share the love. (links are right below!)

December 6, 2011

Gifts to Yourself- A holiday blog series

Sorry, forgot to wrap it....As much as some of my previous holiday posts may contradict this- I LOVE Holidays. Particularly ones with lights, their own music, stories, food, and traditions. But it’s also a time of year when many of us get so caught up in our duties as the creator of holiday joys that we forget to care for ourselves. So for the next few weeks, I’ll be posting holiday gifts to give to yourself. They will be linked below, so this is one place you can find them all, but if you subscribe to my blog over there on the right where it says “Get Updates by Email”, they’ll come right to your inbox each week.  They won’t cost you anything. They have no calories. They won’t even take much time. Play along and let me know in the comments…. there may be an extra gift for you from me when you do. Enjoy.  And share the love.

Week 1- The Gift of Permission

Week 2- The Gift of Nurture

Week 3- The Gift of Play

Week 4- The Gift of Rest

November 21, 2011

I Refuse to Survive the Holidays

Every year around this time I start noticing the magazine articles, tv talk show blurbs, and even blog posts about “how to survive the holidays”. While I know these can be incredibly helpful when you don’t know how to deal with your rude Aunt Marge or have backed yourself into a corner by saying yes to every event invitation that comes your way- complete with requisite cooking and gifting tasks (“gifts must be handmade” says the invite- oh yes, that sounds cool- until you realize you need to not only figure out what you can make, but actually make it, by next week.)…. this year every one of these tips has me both laughing and groaning. Putting “the holidays” and “survival” in the same sentence brings up images of harried women on a remote island, trying to forage and craft a “lovely traditional holiday” while competing in immunity challenges and plotting votes to exile their tribe sisters. The idea of “surviving” the upcoming holidays just seems equally absurd to me.

I have survived the holidays. Worn out, sick, grumpy and making up ugly holiday stories about how I can never do enough and my efforts are always thwarted or aren’t appreciated. No more. I plan to CELEBRATE! I will grab hold of joy and wave it boldly through the streets. I will appreciate everything around me and be delighted. Small things. Big things. Giving in delight and doing what is fun. Survive the holidays? No thanks. I think I’ll have fun and celebrate instead.

How? By refusing to do things that don’t feel good and running with what does. I’ve ordered Thanksgiving dinner. On Black Friday, I might go out – not to shop- but to observe the absurdity of it all and smile at everyone I see. Funnier than reality tv. My kids and I will snip paper snowflakes and cover things in glitter. It will be ephemeral and euphoric (or not ;-D, then I’ll stop). Impromptu holiday movie parties, with appropriately themed snacks featuring the 4 food groups- candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup. Because it’s fun. I’ll plan a day to wrap gifts, because I love creating beautiful packages, complete with holiday chick flicks. I will take my daughter to do her holiday shopping- she’s so excited to do it. Perhaps we’ll make a day of it. And that’s probably it. No pressure. No obligations. No trying to be Martha Stewart or Mrs. S. Claus or June Cleaver or Molly Weasley (I mean, the woman has a wand. No muggle should even attempt that one!) Likely I’ll strike several of these things from the list. And I’ll do it gleefully. And joyously. And while singing out whatever tune strikes my fancy… whether it’s Deck the Halls, Caught in a Mosh or Blah, Blah, Blah. Because I’m celebrating…. life and love and light and everything. And celebrating feels good. If not, it’s not celebration.

So, what about you? How will you ditch survival and celebrate?

Lesley

ps. Somehow I feel like I’m missing out on that whole plotting thing…. but hey, I bet I can find some kind of joyous plotting to do…. hmmm….

May 28, 2011

The awesome of introverts (and extroverts too)

I’ve been having a funny experience of my own introversion this week.  Right now I’m happy as a clam to curl up in my shell and just be- in solitude, able to dip down into my well and refill my cup, to be refreshed and to live largely below the surface.  I’m also noticing the voice of my social self- that part of me that’s out to please others with little regard for how I’m really feeling- and how it keeps telling me that there’s something wrong with wanting to feel refreshed and fulfilled, that it’s weird that being alone is fulfilling for me, that others will be displeased with me if I choose to pass on social events or small talk, and that I have no business wanting solitude because I’ve chosen to be the parent of three children.  My social self can be quite judgmental.

I began to ask myself what is awesome about being an introvert?  How do introverts give back to the world in ways that perhaps extroverts do not? (though of course extroverts have their own gifts… I just don’t know what that’s like, being an introvert and all…)  In my moodling on this I made the mistake of doing a Google search.  What I found was that even on sites that intended to extoll the virtues of introversion, I was bombarded with negative assumptions I hadn’t even considered.   Talk about sending that social self voice on a field day?  I hadn’t even realized all the horrors we introverts are inflicting upon ourselves and the world- OMG, WE MUST CHANGE NOW!  Just kidding.  I closed my browser toute de suite.  This was not what I had in mind at all. Luckily I found my answer after a few minutes of quiet contemplation (just like an introvert, ya know?).

For introverts, recognizing that we’re energized by solitude and deep relationships gives us the chance to provide ourselves with this gift.  When we work within this nature, knowing how to fill our sails and fuel our passions, we are best able to step out into the world and share our gifts.  We can also share our passions in an introverted way, by working alone then sending our creations out into the world or by sharing them with just one person at a time.  When we don’t give ourselves full permission to replenish our fuel, when we don’t accept this in ourselves and relax into it, when we continually nag ourselves to be different,  we’re more likely to feel the world is a hostile place and retreat further-  not replenishing our energy,
not accessing our passions and not able to share them with the world.

And then it hit me.  I bet extroverts experience the same thing in an opposite package!  I’m guessing that when an extrovert doesn’t interact and surround themselves with different people and ideas and energies, they are less able to reach inward and access their own passions and muses. (extroverts- can you confirm this?)   So the most wonderful thing about being an introvert- or an extrovert- is simply in knowing who you are, what fills you up, how to access your highest self and share it with the world.  It looks different for introverts and extroverts, but ultimately it’s what allows each of us to thrive.  And how freakin’ cool is that?

Until next time- wishing you the space to be exactly who you are,

Lesley

May 18, 2011

Be Amazed- a public service announcement

This week I graduated from  Martha Beck Life Coach Training !  I just realized I haven’t fully celebrated this.  I’m a bit stunned that it’s over already as it’s been an amazing 8 months.  Big congratulations to all my fellow graduates and big thanks to all the master coach instructors and Martha Beck herself- everyone’s participation has contributed to this being a life changing experience and I’m so appreciative of everything I’ve learned, all the challenges I’ve encountered, and all the opportunities for growth.  I’m just full of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for you and all the experiences.  My next step is certification- I’ve completed most of my coaching hours, but still need some more.  Keep an eye out for how you can support me by gaining skills in supporting your own inner wisdom in my upcoming program (still in the planning stages!)  I’m in the process of writing my talk for the 2011 We Shine Celebration next month- “Finding light in the darkness- transforming shame, fear and self-judgment into freedom“.   Feeling lots of good butterflies on that one- about my topic, about the phenomenal group of people I get to spend the week among and about how much I get to learn and grow in the process.  Yay!  Now onto the actual blog….  Much love, Lesley

Last Friday I received an urgent reminder in the form of a circus performance.  Be Amazed.  Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.  And here’s how it happened.

I’ve wanted to see a Cirque du Soleil performance ever since I heard of the group back in college (yes, those ancient years of the 1990’s).  This year the planets aligned, or whatever, to make it happen.  Affordable tickets became available.  My baby, the one in the picture who is now 7 years old, wanted to join me.  We made an afternoon of it- driving downtown to the arena, buying an overpriced soft pretzel, taking our seats.  Then as the show began, an interesting question popped into my mind- What is the point?  Why, when there are so many important things to do in my life, so many opportunities to make a difference and so much sadness in the world, would I spend a somewhat significant amount of my monetary resources and time to seeing some circus acts, no matter how freaking cool they might be?  Okay, so this is definitely the part of my mind that feels like I need to be productive and save the world- and that oddly enough puts so much pressure on me to do this that I end up doing little, if not nothing about it.  But I’m at the point where I can recognize these kinds of questions and just consider them.  I sat there and consciously decided that I was going to enjoy the show and not concern myself with answering that question.  I set an intention to simply be in the moment and appreciate the performers, as well as sharing this experience with my daughter.

And in doing so- in being present in the moment, in being appreciative, I found the answer to my mind’s question.  The point of seeing a performance, the point of these performers doing the show, the point of them putting their life’s energy into developing their unique talents and in the audience putting their life’s energy into buying tickets and showing up to see them is this-  Be Amazed.  Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.  And what do all those things add up to?  Joy.  Or in Spanish, the title of the show “Alegria”.   In that performance there was so much with which to be amazed- the skills of the performers, their precision, the choreography, the music, the fact that no one collided, snapped in half or fell to their death (one trapeze artist DID fall during the performance- making me appreciate the systems in place to keep the performers safe).  And last but not least, that I liked the clowns.  Oh, yes, liking clowns is a pretty amazing experience for me.  I’m just not a clown person.  The show encouraged me to be fully engaged and widen my focus- with so many performers on the stage and so many details it was necessary to take it all in.  I’m sure I still missed quite a bit.  And possibility?  Did you know that it is possible to sit on top of one’s own head? That the human body is capable of this?  A week ago I would have said it was impossible.  Now I know better.  Makes me wonder what else I think is impossible that can be done.

I think this is the point of anything that seems to serve no logical purpose- to help us see the beauty and miraculousness of everything.  To help us live in a state of amazement and presence.  To encourage us to explore what is possible and reconsider what we thought was impossible.  I walked out of that performance with a renewed commitment to myself to be fully present and truly see what is around me, to be amazed at all of it, to play with possibility and keep a wide open focus on joy.  I’d say that’s not a bad investment of $60 and 3 hours at all.  Then again, we are free to be amazed and open and present and joyful in every given moment.  How amazing is it that I can sit in bed and write something that anyone can read?  How amazing is it that there are small feathered creatures flying and singing right outside my window?  How amazing is it that the baby in the photo is now a child who creates things and shares her own ideas?  How amazing is it that my husband and children seem find just the right ways to push my buttons so that I can access thoughts and beliefs that are limiting me and clear them out?  Pretty freaking amazing.

And so that is my public service announcement to the world, courtesy of Cirque du Soleil.  Be Amazed. Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.

Enjoy!

May 6, 2011

The best (kind and loving) butt-kicking ever

Just a quick post and update, not even a photo as I’m transitioning to a a new computer and don’t have access to all of my files.  I’m also in the process of creating a new website and will be moving this blog there when it’s ready- whenever that may be.  Not rushing the process but letting it flow.  But I do miss posting here and your comments! So this will be an exercise in imperfection (thanks to my friend Lorraine’s coaching!) and just putting my thoughts out there.  Much love to all…      Lesley                                                                                                                   

Earlier this week I received a much needed (though I wasn’t aware of it at the time) and appreciated virtual butt-kicking from the amazing and insightful Martha Beck.  You see, I showed up to our class thinking I was having a pretty excellent day- but had submitted a few questions in my homework regarding rewards, as outlined in her book The Four Day Win.  Rewards just aren’t my thing.  I do things I love all the time and don’t make them dependent on doing other things first.   In the course of our conversation, Martha asked me how I would rate my day, the day I was feeling quite good about, on my body compass which is a measure of how my body is feeling about any subject  on a scale of -10 to +10, 0 being neutral.  Looking at my plans for the rest of the day and thinking “yeah, this is a pretty darned good day” I rated it a +6.   I was quite surprised to be told (kindly and lovingly)  that  a life lived at +6 is not a life fully lived- though come to think of it, I think her actual word was “pathetic”.  I was advised that if my life isn’t rating a +10, it’s time to make some changes.  Not only that, but that as a coach I have a sacred commitment to live my life at +10- that living in pure joy is what will most fully expand my ability to help others and be a force of change in the world.

Really?  My life is supposed to be totally, amazingly, absolutely freakin’ great? It’s not only okay to want that, but it’s my sacred duty?  Now wait.  I seem to remember believing this at some point in the past.  I was right?  Because a while ago I gave up that belief.   I got in the habit of looking for answers outside of myself and was surprised that I wasn’t finding them.  My life began losing it’s sparkle and I lost touch with the inner voice that once gave me hope.  Earlier this week, I thought that I had already fully regained connection with that inner voice.  I was able to rate an average day as a +6.  It was a vast improvement from the days in years past when I was lucky for my day to rate a +2 and they more often rated on the negative scale . So on one hand I was feeling slightly defensive, like “hey, I’m really doing so much better!” but on the other hand, hearing that it’s  essential to follow my deepest desires, dreams and joys on a consistent, moment to moment basis was a relief.  There was a part of me simply waiting for permission to allow myself that much happiness.  The message that +6 isn’t sufficient for a life fully embraced opened up a door holding back so much of what I love (including writing and helping others connect to their own inner voices and truth) – things I’ve held back with my own unexamined assumptions.

So I ask you- how is your day rating?  What passions and joys are you not allowing into your life?  Why?  What would it take to live a life turned all the way up to +10?  What can you do right now?  Go do it… here’s your permission slip if you need one (but go ahead and sneak out if that feels better) .  The world is waiting for you.

February 4, 2011

Immersed in life…

I suppose one could say that I’ve been neglecting my blogging duties, however what has been happening here is life.  Nothing more, nothing less. My word of the year is immerse, and as much as I enjoy spending hours writing, editing and posting (and writing, and writing, and writing some more) for the past few weeks I’ve been immersed in living.  Big, beautiful, satisfying, delicious life.  I’ve been snuggling with my kids, helping them figure out games, reading to them, and having all kinds of interesting discussions.  I’ve been spending whatever time I can with my husband- between our jobs time together has been limited, and we’re connecting more knowing that once he is settled in his new job he will be less preoccupied with work while at home.  I’ve been working.  I’ve been gardening- enjoying the feeling of being rooted to the earth with open skies above me.  I’ve been cooking and experimenting with my own recipes for vegetables and daydreaming about how I’ll use the ones from my gardens this summer.  And I’ve been coaching, being endlessly inspired by the amazing people my clients and friends are- and in awe of how universal our struggles are and how perfectly the work we’re all doing meshes together to create this tapestry that is living and being human. 

Life is full, and I’m soaking it in.  Today, as it’s very chilly and wet, I’ll build a fire that my family can gather around.   We’ll have pizza and smores- or roast hot dogs over the fire.  My girls will jump on the mini-trampoline I brought down from the attic this morning.  We’ll read some stories, watch something on the tv (who knows? something from the dvr, or a movie, or someone will play a Lego game or Ocarina of Time).  I’ll snuggle up with my nearly 11yo and we’ll hang out and talk and perhaps we’ll be spurred on to new adventures- as the old new adventures seem to have lost their appeal.  Perhaps we’ll study Japanese together and laugh at our attempts to speak it correctly.  Or string together nonsense sentences of words we learn because they’re fun to put together.

In other words, we’ll be living. 

Enjoy your weekend, everyone.  I know I will.

Lesley

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