Peace, Reactivity and Auto Repair

A few months ago I wrote about Being Peace, fully intending to write a follow up.  That follow up didn’t come to me right away.  But in the events of my life this week I’ve found even more to consider with the concept of being peace.

We’ve been road tripping this week- me and my girls.  Drove from SC to PA in one day and we’ve been hanging out at my parents since then.  Yesterday morning I noticed that I was feeling on edge.  Potentially reactive.  Score one for awareness.  I noticed.  I breathed.  I recognized that with the changes in our routine the girls and I were all a bit off kilter.  I got creative- even if “creative” simply meant creating a plan to run with for the day.  Noticing, breathing, moving on with the day.  It was good.  My older daughter and I went to run some errands.  It was a hot, hot day.  The air conditioning in the van wasn’t quite cutting it.  Hmmm.  Service Engine Soon light on.  Hmmm.  Observe.  Turn off the air.  Turn it back on.  Hmmm.

I’ll be completely honest.  At this point I could feel the panic beginning to well up.  It would be so easy to go into full blown hyper-freakout, where I can’t think clearly and have no patience or tolerance of any other requests, challenges, or needs.  I’m over 600 miles from home.  My van is my freedom.  I have plans to be in NY in 3 days.  How much is this going to cost and how much will I have to change my plans to pay for it?  Do I have the money?  Can I get it fixed soon, or will I need to rent a car?  Do I have the money for that?  Will I have to arrive late at conference?  How can I write when I’m feeling this tied up? I have writing to do!  AAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH!  This was once my default setting.  Playing the “what if’s” into a nasty hairy thing- a big jumbled, twisted, knotted ball of awful that tends to sit right in the center of my body.   I need to shake it off just thinking about it.  And I did still have some of these thoughts.  Okay, all of these thoughts.  Even though some of them aren’t even real problems.

But I didn’t go into freakout mode.  I kept breathing.  I kept asking myself “what’s the next logical step to take?”.  I breathed.  I didn’t avoid my feelings.  I looked them straight in the… well….whatever part of feelings you look them in.  Yep.  There they are.  What next?  I didn’t waste any energy trying to make them go away.  I didn’t stuff my face (not sayin’ a piece of chocolate wouldn’t be nice!).  I didn’t yell at anyone.  I played a minimum of mindless computer games (okay, I do have a Solitaire habit that’s rather unfortunate).  I didn’t break out a bottle of wine.  I didn’t blame anyone or anything- didn’t get angry at myself, or my van, or anyone else.   I didn’t complain.  Or at least I don’t think I did.  But I probably drove my mom nuts with my thinking out lout.  I made some phone calls. I did some research.  I bought some fluids and parts and tinkered.  I was thankful for my van, for internet car repair message boards, for cheap auto parts and good mechanics.  Did some more research.  Made some more phone calls.  Went to a mechanic.

My van is safely operable, for now.  The permanent repair is set up for when I get back from NY.  I am feeling a great deal of relief.  And I’m also feeling thankful for this experience.  The repair itself is irrelevant.  I found out a lot about holding my own place of peace- the place of peace where I can see and observe my thoughts and feelings, accept them and even embrace them.  I avoided reactivity- which prevented much distress for myself and those around me.  As a mamma, as the one my children calibrate their emotional scales to as the underlying mood setter, that’s very important.  When I keep my peace, I help create peace.  Not once did I fall into the easy trap of “why does this stuff always happen to me?”.   Which is big.  Ultimately because it’s not true.  But also because the further I fall down that rabbit hole, the worse I feel, the more negative of a mood I set, and the less likely I am to see the good that is happening in my life.  And the less likely it is that my children will be able to see the good that is in their lives.

And so I’m left thankful and peaceful and looking forward to my time in NY among one of my favorite tribes, connecting with my amazing girls.  And looking forward to getting my car repaired… for probably only the second time in my life.  Pretty effing cool.

Until next time,

Lesley

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5 Comments to “Peace, Reactivity and Auto Repair”

  1. Lesley,
    Glad you kept the peace! Great post. Good luck in NY!!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing your process! I remember doing this at least once 🙂 It’s like I’ve forgotten the steps to this dance, though. Last Fall we had so much fun renting cars and peacefully waiting to see if our van’s transmission would be affordably fixed. I know I have that place of Peace….Your insight is so helpful. Keep sharing! *hugs*

    • Mary Alice! Missed your presence at Shine this year, but your comments came to my email when I was able to check it and gave me a boost as I was finishing up with writing my talk. Thank you so much.

  3. “When I keep my peace, I help create peace.” This is what I resonate with.

    Sometimes I’ve not allowed myself to be peaceful. I’ve felt guilty for my own peace; as if my discontent will help those around me who are discontented. That’s why I like this phrase so much. It reminds me that by being peaceful myself I am ADDing to the overall equation of peace.

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