The Last-Minute Rock Star

At the moment I’m preparing for a road trip that will take me from SC to PA to NY and back again in the space of two weeks.  In my mind, someone who is truly great at this sort of thing would have a comprehensive checklist prepared, have a detailed to-do written (at least mentally) and would have had all the items that aren’t necessary to everyday life packed and ready to go by now- the minivan clean and maintained and ready to roll, home tasks that need completion before leaving nearly up to date and be ready to simply, calmly and joyfully put the stuff in the van and leave when the time comes.  Oh, and they’d definitely have the conference talk they’re giving in less than 2 weeks at least in a completed rough draft state.

My experience of this process is rarely anything like this.  Usually I experience a combination of procrastination and panic, with an underlying and continuous monologue of reprimands and reminders of how insufficient I am and how I’m doing it all wrong and how much of a loser I must be for not just doing the freaking stuff that needs doing, that culminates in me yelling at everyone to “just get the *&%$#! out of my way so I can get this stuff done and get at least a few hours sleep!” at about 11pm the night before we are planning a 5am departure.  Not an ideal situation, in my personal opinion- especially when I do not function well on less than 8 or 9 hours of sleep.  Any wonder last year’s incarnation of this trip had us all craning our necks along the highway to find a Starbucks? (when, of course, a green smoothie would be MUCH more of a help!)

So in the midst of my procrastination and panic this week I decided to do a little self-coaching on this subject.  In the process I remembered that I am a last minute person.  I function well doing things last minute and I rarely fall short of my own expectations no matter how much I’ve delayed and put off.  I recognized that what I dislike most about my usual pattern is not my last-minute nature, but the lack of trust I hold that I CAN do what’s needed in the time I have (I’m amazingly efficient when I’m motivated- a great illustration that tasks take as much time as we allow them!) and my lack of calm and peace in the process.  I don’t like being unkind to my family.  And I’m downright afraid of how unkind I can be to myself.  My “deer in the headlights” feelings of panic and inability to act are mostly about how much I’ll berate myself as I’m losing much needed sleep and yelling and then trying to fuel myself on sugar and caffeine.

I’ve decided that this year, I’ll prepare for our road trip in the usual way- acting as I feel the motivation.  Except this time, I’m choosing to trust in the fact that I always get it done.  I’m going to trust that I can do this calmly and without yelling at anyone, or mentally abusing myself.  I am going to invest in my well-being by saying no to others’ requests of my time and attention when they don’t align with my goal of a peaceful and calm packing process and departure.  Many of my children’s requests WILL align with this goal- they’re as excited about this trip as I am, maybe even more!  Some of them might not.  But I can feel good saying “yes, but not right now” knowing that we all benefit from peace and calm and trust that everything works out.  Ultimately, I’m going to step up and be a last-minute road trip rock star- flipping the bird at the reptilian voice in my head that is not really me, but an amalgamation of cultural expectations and past criticism that I’ve allowed to remain.  I’ll be kind and loving and roll on the wave of adrenaline I get when the time comes.  I’ll enjoy it.  I’m actually pretty great at this last minute stuff.  Time to own it.  Time to rock my last-minute capabilities and evolve them to a more peaceful and loving place.

So anyway, take what you can from this story and apply it to your own life.  Where do you berate yourself for being who you are, and what is the real problem with the situation?  How might a different thought change what you do and how you do it?  How can you be the rock star of who you are and bring it?

I’m off to do what I’m inspired to do today- just like I was inspired to write this post.  Rock on and let your stars shine!

Lesley

Be Amazed- a public service announcement

This week I graduated from  Martha Beck Life Coach Training !  I just realized I haven’t fully celebrated this.  I’m a bit stunned that it’s over already as it’s been an amazing 8 months.  Big congratulations to all my fellow graduates and big thanks to all the master coach instructors and Martha Beck herself- everyone’s participation has contributed to this being a life changing experience and I’m so appreciative of everything I’ve learned, all the challenges I’ve encountered, and all the opportunities for growth.  I’m just full of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for you and all the experiences.  My next step is certification- I’ve completed most of my coaching hours, but still need some more.  Keep an eye out for how you can support me by gaining skills in supporting your own inner wisdom in my upcoming program (still in the planning stages!)  I’m in the process of writing my talk for the 2011 We Shine Celebration next month- “Finding light in the darkness- transforming shame, fear and self-judgment into freedom“.   Feeling lots of good butterflies on that one- about my topic, about the phenomenal group of people I get to spend the week among and about how much I get to learn and grow in the process.  Yay!  Now onto the actual blog….  Much love, Lesley

Last Friday I received an urgent reminder in the form of a circus performance.  Be Amazed.  Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.  And here’s how it happened.

I’ve wanted to see a Cirque du Soleil performance ever since I heard of the group back in college (yes, those ancient years of the 1990’s).  This year the planets aligned, or whatever, to make it happen.  Affordable tickets became available.  My baby, the one in the picture who is now 7 years old, wanted to join me.  We made an afternoon of it- driving downtown to the arena, buying an overpriced soft pretzel, taking our seats.  Then as the show began, an interesting question popped into my mind- What is the point?  Why, when there are so many important things to do in my life, so many opportunities to make a difference and so much sadness in the world, would I spend a somewhat significant amount of my monetary resources and time to seeing some circus acts, no matter how freaking cool they might be?  Okay, so this is definitely the part of my mind that feels like I need to be productive and save the world- and that oddly enough puts so much pressure on me to do this that I end up doing little, if not nothing about it.  But I’m at the point where I can recognize these kinds of questions and just consider them.  I sat there and consciously decided that I was going to enjoy the show and not concern myself with answering that question.  I set an intention to simply be in the moment and appreciate the performers, as well as sharing this experience with my daughter.

And in doing so- in being present in the moment, in being appreciative, I found the answer to my mind’s question.  The point of seeing a performance, the point of these performers doing the show, the point of them putting their life’s energy into developing their unique talents and in the audience putting their life’s energy into buying tickets and showing up to see them is this-  Be Amazed.  Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.  And what do all those things add up to?  Joy.  Or in Spanish, the title of the show “Alegria”.   In that performance there was so much with which to be amazed- the skills of the performers, their precision, the choreography, the music, the fact that no one collided, snapped in half or fell to their death (one trapeze artist DID fall during the performance- making me appreciate the systems in place to keep the performers safe).  And last but not least, that I liked the clowns.  Oh, yes, liking clowns is a pretty amazing experience for me.  I’m just not a clown person.  The show encouraged me to be fully engaged and widen my focus- with so many performers on the stage and so many details it was necessary to take it all in.  I’m sure I still missed quite a bit.  And possibility?  Did you know that it is possible to sit on top of one’s own head? That the human body is capable of this?  A week ago I would have said it was impossible.  Now I know better.  Makes me wonder what else I think is impossible that can be done.

I think this is the point of anything that seems to serve no logical purpose- to help us see the beauty and miraculousness of everything.  To help us live in a state of amazement and presence.  To encourage us to explore what is possible and reconsider what we thought was impossible.  I walked out of that performance with a renewed commitment to myself to be fully present and truly see what is around me, to be amazed at all of it, to play with possibility and keep a wide open focus on joy.  I’d say that’s not a bad investment of $60 and 3 hours at all.  Then again, we are free to be amazed and open and present and joyful in every given moment.  How amazing is it that I can sit in bed and write something that anyone can read?  How amazing is it that there are small feathered creatures flying and singing right outside my window?  How amazing is it that the baby in the photo is now a child who creates things and shares her own ideas?  How amazing is it that my husband and children seem find just the right ways to push my buttons so that I can access thoughts and beliefs that are limiting me and clear them out?  Pretty freaking amazing.

And so that is my public service announcement to the world, courtesy of Cirque du Soleil.  Be Amazed. Pay Attention.  Widen your focus and let it all in.  Believe in Possibility.

Enjoy!